Gaining Insight Into Yourself as a Helper

Gaining Insight Into Myself As A Helper

Gaining Insight Into Myself As A Helper

by Martha Marie Nicks -
Number of replies: 1

1.      What were your motives for helping this person?

·        My motivations for helping a particular past client was her age, the particular service she requested, and the opportunity to pay it forward. 

·        The client was age 24 and expressed a need to learn what she wants in a job and to be mentored through the career development process.  I have a soft spot for young adults and totally enjoy facilitating the self-discovery aspect of Career Services with youth.  When this particular client expressed that need, I was all in. 

·        I also thought of myself at that age and all I had accomplished which was due to a few key people who took interest in helping me identifying and achieving my goals.  I felt like this particular client would benefit from me doing for her what others had done for me.

 

2.      Did you benefit from this relationship in any way? How?

·        Yes, I benefited from the feeling of satisfaction as I witnessed the client achieve the goals she set for herself as well as teaching the client how to be able to “fish” o her own.

 

3.      What was your role in the helping relationship? In what way do you think you helped this person? Looking back, is there anything that you might have done differently?

·        I believe that my key role in the helping relationship is to assist the client with identifying his/her goals and the action steps s/he believes are necessary to achieve the goals.  I am either an accountability partner, guide, or a cheerleader depending upon the skill level and need of the client.

·        I helped this particular client by guiding her with asking open ended questions to help her discover her true needs, desires, and passions – then learning what resources she needs to move forward.

·        Looking back, I would have been more careful not to persuade the client.  I remember the client stating that she wanted to go back to school to complete the Psychology degree, feeling like she need to finish what she started although she said that she one of the reasons why she dropped out of college was no interest in the Psychology degree.  Instead of asking the client why did she feel the need to finish a degree she didn’t have interest in, I told the client “that it may not be a good idea to go back to finish the degree because she (the client) isn’t interested in that particular area of study, and that college isn’t always the next step for everyone… let’s figure out what the next step for you is by focusing on self-discovery.”

 

4.      Was there anything that this person did, said, or believed that you did not agree with? How did you react?

·        Yes, there was a statement that the client made about her mother, that she wasn’t helping her with anything, that she is responsible for her own transportation, paying off college debt, and buys her own groceries.

·        I remembered that the client indicated on the new client information for that she lives with her mother, and that is one way that the mother is helping by allowing the client to live there rent free, and perhaps the mother is only trying to teach independence by requiring the client to find her own way with transportation, debt reduction, and meals.

 

5.      Did you learn anything from this relationship?

·        Looking back, I did learn that I need to be careful not to allow my personal feelings as a parent interfere with my coaching, as I have a daughter age 19 who is going through the transition of teen to adulthood.  I noticed similar things with this client and my daughter.  Also, each person’s journey will be different and will take tame.  I need to be mindful that the timeframe there isn’t specific accomplishments for specific ages, and while it is good to have the mindset of paying it forward, the true focal point is aiding the client to  discover what is best for her, what that looks like, and how much time is needed to figure it out.  My job is to be empathetic, understanding, and provide the resources as well as guidance needed.


In reply to Martha Marie Nicks

Re: Gaining Insight Into Myself As A Helper

by Charise Wilson -

Hello Martha,

Thank you for your insightful post. You certainly included some great self-reflection points in your response and this was appreciated. I can relate to many of your points. Especially when it comes to needing to be more mindful. I think in years past in career services giving an actual opinion was a typical way of "coaching" clients but things have certainly changed (thankfully) and we are all benefitting from this!

There is more emphasis on allowing our clients and students to discover their own paths and it really is a relief for us as career coaches/advisors because it allows us to listen more and not to have to "figure out" what we think they should do - whew. I am happy that you are seeing that change and the same pattern and pivoting to this new and improved direction. Your coaching practice will TAKE OFF just from applying more principles like this. I can't wait for our individual discussion!

Best,

Charise