Gaining Insight Into Yourself as a Helper

Chapter 1- Gaining Insight Into Yourself as a Helper

Chapter 1- Gaining Insight Into Yourself as a Helper

by Hannah Flory -
Number of replies: 4

1. What were your motives for helping this person?

A story that comes to my mind when answering these questions is when I tried to advise one of our nontraditional students on campus. He had met with our office multiple times and felt like he did not "vibe" well with any of the people he had previously met with. His professor advised him to come back to our office and try someone new as he was nearing graduation and did not know what career he wanted to pursue. He expressed feeling hopeless and lost. 

2. Did you benefit from this relationship in any way? How?

I benefitted from this relationship because it was able to teach me that it is okay to reach out to other resources on campus to assist students. This relationship also taught me that I have a lot to learn in terms of assisting nontraditional students which is also why I wanted to take this course.  

3. What was your role in the helping relationship? In what way do you think you helped this person? Looking back, is there anything that you might have done differently?

My role in the helping relationship was to teach the student about resources that could assist him with finding a career that he may enjoy. I asked him open ended questions to try to learn more about his story and what he is interested in. I believe that I helped him realize that there are a lot of options that he could pursue even though he felt like his age was a barrier. I also helped by referring him to our counseling services on campus due to some of his remarks regarding mental health concerns. Looking back, I believe that I would have approached this student a little differently. Instead of asking him so many questions, I would have tried to embrace the silence a little more so that he may have opened up a little more. 

4. Was there anything that this person did, said, or believed that you did not agree with? How did you react?

This student insisted that there was no hope for him finding a job or even starting a career due to being in his mid-late forties. I reacted to this persistent comments by listening and letting him get the emotions out. I tried to talk to him calmly about how people pivot careers throughout their lives and that age does not have to hold him back.  Whenever I would ask him questions, he would respond with "I don't know" or "I've never thought about it." He seemed very depressed and unmotivated which motivated me to refer him to counseling services. 

5. Did you learn anything from this relationship?

This relationship taught me that I need to learn the skills to better handle consistent responses to open ended questions that are "I don't know" or "I've never thought about it." I need to learn how to rephrase questions to be able to better help students. After some conversations with my supervisor, I learned that I may not be able to help everyone but that referring the student to counseling was the right thing to do until he is ready to focus on career goals. 
In reply to Hannah Flory

Re: Chapter 1- Gaining Insight Into Yourself as a Helper

by Tisha Grande -
Hi Hannah,

It was great to read how patient and understanding you were with this student, despite his hopeless outlook on the future. Being in a career where we engage frequently with various types of people, I always think that when we encounter those who are filled with "I don't knows" it's a great opportunity to share all of the possibilities waiting for them. I find it tends to surprise students, because I like to greet their "I don't knows" with that being a great place to start and turning what they think is a negative into a positive!
In reply to Hannah Flory

Re: Chapter 1- Gaining Insight Into Yourself as a Helper

by Crystal Cory -

Hannah,

It's always tough to meet with students that a) have had a history of "bad" experiences with an office, b) have a negative outlook on the future, and c) haven't truly explored their interests. You met with a student that hit all three of those! Your positivity might not have seemed to land well in the moment, but I'm sure that you showing that you truly cared holistically about him made a difference. 

I'm interested to hear from the rest of the group about different ways to deal with chronic "I don't know"-ers. Depending on my relationship with the student I might feel inclined to draw attention to the fact that that's all they've answered thus far. 

Thanks for sharing! 

Crystal

In reply to Hannah Flory

Re: Chapter 1- Gaining Insight Into Yourself as a Helper

by Paul Cecala -
Great story Hannah,

And an issue I still struggle with after 2 decades in the field. To be honest with myself, after 2 or 3 sessions of gaining no ground, I kind of give up on the client feeling it is not a good coaching match. Your story is helping me to reevaluate my responses and consider new ways to get past the roadblocks. however, my business coaches have always said, sometimes you just have to "fire" the client that you can't help because they take too much effort for little or no return (financially).

I agree, Crystal, this could be a good discussion for class.

Paul
In reply to Hannah Flory

Re: Chapter 1- Gaining Insight Into Yourself as a Helper

by Charise Wilson -
Hi Hannah,
Kudos to you for already spotting areas from the Helping Relationship chapter that could help you in future coaching sessions. We learn from each and every experience! Glad you were also able to refer him and spotted the need for additional services.
Well done!
Charise