Gaining Insight Into Yourself as a Helper

Assignment # 1 for Chapter 1

Assignment # 1 for Chapter 1

by Stephanie Reed -
Number of replies: 2

Back in February, Texas experienced a severe snow storm. My parents were without power and water for over a week. Due to the snow fall, I couldn’t travel to bring supplies. My only contact was though phone and internet.

 1. What were your motives for helping this person?

 I wanted to provide my parents with support and resources during the storm. 

 2. Did you benefit from this relationship in any way? How?

 I felt better about myself as a helper and as an adult daughter. I hope it strengthened our relationship.

3. What was your role in the helping relationship? In what way do you think you helped this person? Looking back, is there anything that you might have done differently?

Although I couldn’t be there in person, my role to was help where I could. I checked on them daily and used the internet to locate resources. For example, I found which stores were still open, what businesses were handing out free bottled water and supplies, and even found through Facebook that their church was a ‘warming station’ for their community.

Looking back, I may have taken one step too far. Their community is quite small. After close to a week without water, I reached out and left a message with their city hall stating how important it was to get the pipes repaired as there are many elderly people in the community. Apparently, the city secretary called my mother personally, reported my message, and stated the city was working on it. My mother felt I had gone too far. I should have called and told her what I was planning do. I could have respected her wishes or just waited a few days before calling the city.

4. Was there anything that this person did, said, or believed that you did not agree with? How did you react?

I wished my parents had accepted more resources. They felt more fortunate than others and did not want to accept some of the free supplies. They’ve given so much to their city over the years and I thought they deserved assistance. However, I accepted it was their choice to decline.

5. Did you learn anything from this relationship?

It reminded me to be more careful about how people want to be helped. I do know my parents were appreciative, but I think my mother saw my style, at times, a bit too aggressive. A few weeks later she made a passing comment- “You were being a social worker and I just needed my daughter.”  Touché.


In reply to Stephanie Reed

Re: Assignment # 1 for Chapter 1

by Maria Palamara -
It is interesting to contrast how we have learned to help clients help themselves, but sometimes with loved ones it is easy to overreach out of our deep caring and personal feelings. I think with family our own emotions can get in the way of healthy boundaries and allowing our loved ones to have as much autonomy as they desire and can realistically deal with. It is hard to navigate this when you are learning to treat grown children as functional adults that may do things differently than you would, and how to know when to intervene when an elderly parent may not be as competent as they may have once been. A balancing act between "autonomy" and "do no harm" ethical principles!
In reply to Stephanie Reed

Re: Assignment # 1 for Chapter 1

by Charise Wilson -
Wow, Stephanie, I get it though! It is tough to separate the two (social worker and daughter) especially when it's those near and dear to our hearts. I am glad that you assisted them even with the distance between you. It sounds like you may have gone a bit over because you felt bad that you couldn't be there in person. Either way, what a good daughter, and one that is growing and learning as we all are along the way! Thanks for the honest post! - Charise